God are You there? You’ve got to hear me right now! I need You! I thought You were on my side. I gave up everything to serve You. I was doing my best to listen and obey, serve with a cheerful heart, expect nothing in return. And then I got punched in the guts, kicked to the ground, my heart ripped out of my ever-loving chest – by Your people! If it had been the Enemy – an attack by those who hate You most, I would understand that. I would’ve leaned hard into You, depended on my Christian brothers and sisters to support me in this battle. But my wounds are all coming from “friendly fire.” This is breaking my heart! I don’t know where to turn or what to do. My confidence in You is the only thing that keeps me going, but even that has been shaken.
I need a break! I want to run away from this place. This is too hard. If only I had wings like a sparrow. I’d dash out of here and dance my way to heaven where I could bask in life’s simplicity. I’m desperate for a change, but You’ve asked me to stay here, to stick in it.
God! Tell these people that they’re wrong! Open their eyes to the path of bodies they’re leaving in their wake and make them apologize! But oh. It isn’t their hearts that are on Your operation table. Not today. Today it is mine. I thought my heart was being torn to bits, but You were healing it: tearing out old scars, removing wrong doctrine and misunderstanding of who You are. You gave me a newer, stronger heart. Now I am more whole; now I have been put through the fire refined and pure. In Your time Father, You will deal with each of us. In Your time. I trust You.